Hear ye, hear ye, sign up one and all.

Feeling wronged, vengeful, angered and bilious?


Well sign the fuck up.


Vengeance Inc is accepting submissions from interested parties. Board and Operations positions are available.

The Board will sanction actions, as required, to be carried out on an as needs basis.

These actions will remove the wrongdoers, vengeworthy, angerous speciae that make me wish we still had a feudal society. Though you can keep yer buboes.

To signup we need your (top secret) superhero name, your key talent and your initial target. Don't delay.

Trust me on this

You would not believe it.

I know I don't.

You just wouldn't.

That's why you're gonna have to to trust me. It's been pretty weird and hopefully there's only about 30 hours left. As they say, you really don't know what kind of tea-bag you are until you're in hot water.

No perves, that was not a teabagging reference. Not unless teabagging involves psychoses, violence and togas.

The benfits of being antisocial

8 million of em.

Roughly.

7.68 to be precise. Dollars. Annually.


As might have been deduced, I've been busy.

Over everyone except me, I gave m'self a leave pass last weekend, doing pretty much sweet fuck all. In my time. At my leisure.

Friday.

Saturday.

Sunday.

Monday morn was fresh and begging for it as I had TEH FEELIN the week was going to rock.

The Feeling was more accurate than Ron Jeremy and the results aren't even hairy!

Ilandedmorethaneightmillionbucksworthofbusinessinthreedays,
onetheaforementionedsevenpointsixeight.

Milky bars are on me.

You should be a copywriter

"She was just a nice girl who fell off a cliff."

I think there's a little something in there for all of us, hmm?

Don't picnic on cliffs in wheelchairs

bloody hell - when are you going to put another post up ??

When I've got something I want to post.

Sorry kiddoes, but I aint into circlejerks of appreciation - I write for me, when I feel like it.

Being all busy n shit means there's plenty of time for me, just not much for writing anything up to my standard level of drivel.

You'd shoot me if I ended up posting fillers all the time and I'm feeling a bit to energetic for a bullet, so fuck off and do something productive.

Unless you want another Spa party.


NB - points to Giggle for subtlety, thereby inspiring the title.

Book time 820.1

But don't lie down on your rugs; this is one is about what not to read.

Books with '101 ways' & 'Dummies' in their title
Whether you're fat, unable to use a computer, can file fuck all under the Dewey system, are stony broke, really think understanding real-estate is going to help you, need to quit smoking, can't excite your lover, aren't a special dad, haven't had a lively transformation yet, can't hook up yer DVD, play a par 47 on the par 3, can't tell yer hyper from yer text markup, mix Mahler with Mozart, don't know how you got pregnant, still need to know how to use Windows 95, you're fucked. Especially if you read a book with Dummies in the title.

Luckily, down in the cavernous reaches of Dollop, IncTM we've been slaving away on a little tome that will be of service to those reading and not reading. It's very simple, easy to understand and only $39.95 plus P&H. Each volume has exactly 220 pages, each page lovingly inscribed with a single word. Page 1 begins with DIE, succeeded on Page 2 by NOW. Page 3 repeats this delicate balance, for emphasis, as does pages 4 through 412 (bit o marbling in the endpapers and hand a cut colophon makes up the rest).

Buy now, make me richer and fuckoff. Take your lapdog with you.

Anyone else you want me to target?

Seen any innocence lying around?

It all feels normal, those nasty dreams just something that happened one night whilst you weren't awake, until you read the bumper sticker on the 4WD you're overtaking and it says:

FISTING COMES FIRST.

And it makes sense, not bothering you in the slightest.



NB - The sticker said Fishing. My feelthy noggin did the rest.

Well I never

Ever read Frankenstein?

Story goes that it was a dream induced by the deliberate intake of cheese and wine, to upset the sleep and inspire morbid dreams.

Dunno about this, especially as living over a winebar gave me ample chance to experiment, but whatever the fuck I ingested last night, keep me away.

9ish Bed, to read.
10ish Lights out, sleepy bye byes.
1.40 Awake, having just had the weirdest sequence of dreams ever, replete with hallucinations, voices and all manner of freakiness.
1-4am Read.
4am Sleepy bye byes. Again. Recommence ultravivid hallucinations, including composing a reply to another blogger. My first blog dream. Worthy target at least.
5am Queue alarm. Feel like absolute shit, reset alarm for 6am.
6am Wake up surprisingly refreshed, finish book.

What the fuck? Who did this to me? I want answers.

Storms

Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! rage! blow!
You cataracts and hurricanoes, spout
Till you have drench'd our steeples, drown'd the cocks!

I smell an Equinox.